coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
