I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
