3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
