My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
