I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
honey bunches of taint.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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