Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
