There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
