I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
