This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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