I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
