I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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