ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
