Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
