brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Randomize
