her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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