you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize