So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
