It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
4 words: hood of his car
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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