Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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