i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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