im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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