OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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