"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
