FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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