Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
