Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Did I show you my penis last night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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