I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
