Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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