Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
