I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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