I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
