Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize