went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
