We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
