There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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