I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
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Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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