honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He passed out mid-signature
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
