So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
