I got chris browned last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
