I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
