Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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