yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
