You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
