Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
