On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
