I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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