Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
