sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
