apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
