tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He? As in you personified your dick?
i think i just lost a toe
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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