I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
