He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
