you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
