I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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