trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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