we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon