plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.