hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face