I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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