I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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