The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
