This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My pussy is not your playground.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize