this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
