every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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