got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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