Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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