U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
